At this point I'm just a bookcase away

So the other day I was watching a documentary on prisons, is how I'm going to start all blog posts from now on. They interviewed copious amounts of prison specialists and historians, which seems to be what you do when you make a documentary.

As a child I always assumed that I would most definitely be interviewed for a lot of documentaries when I was older and I never worried about what topic I would be a specialist on. How to make nachos? Pool sanitation? The mass-production of cole slaw? Giving birth on the moon? 



What is a filmmaker going to be researching that makes them say "Oh we most definitely need to interview Brooke or there's no point in even making this movie"? 

That was for Adult Brooke to sort out. It also seemed logical when I was younger that if for some reason I didn't end up as a historian in a documentary, I would be interviewed as a witness to a horrible crime.

I make the best nachos.

imaginary wishlist

Are you guys also trying to save up money for a brainbike - the kind you can ride and instead of burning calories or transporting you from one place to another, it powers your brain? 

Do you guys also think that, even though a brainbike is sort of expensive, and would take up quite a bit of space in your apartment, or at your desk, or really wherever you decide to put it there are so many options, that it would be so useful? 

It seems so nice, when your brain starts to sag and can't go on its own as far, when your brain energy seems used up, to put on you brainbiking outfit and ride for hours and hours until you're hopelessly sweaty and look at the pages of ideas you biked - ideas for work and ideas about love and ideas on how to build a shark toaster gun where the sharks won't get caught in the electric coils and slow their trajectory. That's what I'm saving my money for.

emojis and the other six wonders of the world

Reality tv is one of the seven wonders of my mom’s world, along with hashtags, gchatting, foursquare, mobile browsers, emojis, and one I won't say but it starts with sex and rhymes with texting. These are things she doesn't understand but calls me about every few weeks and says "Today is the day, Brooke. Explain this to me."



And they remain the seven wonders because I guess I never do a good enough job of explaining them, or they’re really nuanced subjects, or it’s hard to get a good grasp on them when they’re not as deeply rooted in your life as hashtags are in mine. It #scares me that one day I will have a child and one day the world will change so much that I will ask that child for an explanation of #conceptsbeyondmyunderstanding. I can't explain reality tv.

But after a few solid marathons of non-reality tv shows, it's hard to tell them all apart. How many quirky attractive characters in their 20s can there be? Why are you all wearing such colorful outfits? Why do all the male love interests have sweating problems? Why does bonding always have to happen near water?

Why does every episode of every scripted show have that joke where someone says "Is it good?" and the other person says "No." and everyone panics until the person continues "...it’s great!" When did humanity decide this was the best joke ever?



Reality tv is refreshing because it doesn’t have any of these things. The plot doesn’t bother me because, there’s no plot. Usually I just decide whose hairstyle I like the best and fast-forward to the parts with that person in them. You can ignore large chunks of dialogue while working on something else and I promise you won't miss anything at all. And they make me feel like America is doomed, which is the hallmark of any good reality tv show.

There is something really invigorating about feeling bad about America that I wish my mom could understand.



Coolest hair ever!

If the world is ever taken over by robots

And luckily someone invents a giant robot killing machine and all we need is a five-word sentence to attract every single robot and bring it to its death, and the world turns to me and says "Brooke, WHAT FIVE-WORD SENTENCE DO ROBOTS LIKE BEST, everyone is counting on you" don't worry, I already know what sentence we could use. 

And with that taken care of the rest of you can just be in charge of bringing snacks that we can eat while we watch all the robots come swarming in.