Does anyone know more about Salvador Dali than that melting clock painting? I've liked him ever since I saw a picture of him walking his pet anteater in a metro station.

No, I'm not going to post a picture. You know how to google it, don't be lazy. Geez Louise, the things I put up with.

Anyway, I found these sweet Salvadore Dali quotes today. I've now doubled my list of personal heros, which used to just consist of Yoko Ono. It was a tough decision, but any clock-painting, ant eater-walking, insane-quote spouting artist is a hero of mine.

"The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant."

"I don't do drugs, I am drugs." Unfortunately I would have like this more last year, when I wouldn't have been reminiscent of Charlie Sheen.

"There are days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction."

Now go look at pictures of anteaters. Did you know they looked that crazy? Doesn't their head look like a fifth arm? Alright fine, I'll post a picture.



What on earth?!

you want to see crime?

PARISIAN WOMAN AT MY HOSTEL: So, where are you from?
ME: The United States.
PARISIAN: Cool, which one? California? Miami? New York City?
ME: Minnesota actually.
PARISIAN: Oh, is that by Florida?
ME: No it's by Canada.
PARISIAN: I don't know this, what else?
ME: It's by the Great Lakes.
PARISIAN: I don't know this, what else?
ME: I live near Minneapolis.
PARISIAN: I don't know this, what else?
ME: Well, I guess the next city is Chicago.
PARISIAN: OHHHH! You're from CHICAGO! Why didn't you say so?! City of crime, eh? Look out everyone!

For extra credit

by Brian Doyle

A train going 700 miles an hour encounters a vole. Why exactly is the train going that fast? Does being in such a hurry mean that you are important?

Life of Pi

"But it was the meerkats that impressed themselves most indelibly on my mind."

"Even though it was an incredibly sad day, she looked so, so beautiful. I kept trying to figure out a way to tell her that, but all of the ways I thought of were weird and wrong. She was wearing the bracelet that I made for her, and that made me feel like one hundred dollars. I love making jewelry for her, because it makes her happy, and making her happy is another one of my raisons d'etre."

-Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

"I'm trying to go green lately."

-Drew Alaire, trying on green flats at a thrift store

"I thought of all the pie I had eaten in my life and wondered how different things might be if only I had wished upon the points. Had I gotten my wish at the age of eight I would still be rounding up mummies in Egypt, luring them from their tombs and trapping them in heavy iron cages. All subsequent wishes would have been based on the life I had already established: a new set of boots, a finer whip, greater command of the mummy language. That’s the problem with wishes; they ensnare you.”

–David Sedaris

Simon Rich - A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table

MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs.)
GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
ALL: Yes.
GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.

"Another kind of lie is a mean lie, when someone says something just to be mean. For example you are so messy and your art is no good. That is why you get Fs in art, and your bedroom looks like you live in a bird nest. (P.S. it is not true."

-Drew's essay on lies