the most complicated exercise routine in the world

I realized this morning that I've moved 13 times in the last six years. And each time I've transported my belongings using only two oversized suitcases and a vintage carry-on. On my last move, I had packing down to such a science that each of my checked bags weighed exactly 50 pounds, even though I didn't have a scale at home.

Here are some unsolicited packing tips from someone who moves more than twice a year:

Light things (aquarium lamp, running shoes) go in the largest suitcase. For some reason this suitcase is so big that unless you fill it with feathers it is going to be over 50 pounds.

Heavy things (haiku books, sweaters) go in the large suitcase. This suitcase is always packed so full that every little zipper prong is holding on for dear life.

VERY heavy things and valuables go in the non-rolling carry-on suitcase. The carry-on is the only bag without a weight limit, so I try to make it as heavy as possible. This makes for an exhausting trip through the airport, and a miserable time with security as they try to figure out why my carry-on contains hand weights, dried fruit, wet laundry, and an expensive camera. "Is this trip for business or pleasure?" they ask.

"I don't know." I was tired and flustered and barefoot, and I started rambling. "But I put the weights in the carry-on because they were too heavy for my checked bag. Same with the wet laundry. And the weights also help keep my camera dry."

"Too heavy?" He sprayed the weights with something that either tells him if they're explosive or just makes him look busy. "They're only ten pounds each."

"Five-pounds each." I clarified for some reason.

"Well, you'd better be doing a lot of reps."

I thanked him for the advice, took my 70-pound carry-on, and bench-pressed it all the way to my gate.