give me your email and I'll share it with you

I've been going through old Google Docs and deleting ones I don't remember making.



Except for this one obviously. It's already come in handy twice.

I see you

I'm typing this in the smallest font possible and can still read it with my arms stretched out and no squinting. That's because today, two years after I stopped being able to read street signs, I got new glasses. 

My severe prescription gives me that myopic tiny-eye look that is all the rage right now. I take the sexy out of "sexy librarian." I also take the librarian out. I'm not rocking much right now.



I can only assume the noticeable hearing loss is because before today my bad vision forced me to rely on vibration, hearing, and smell to navigate. Either that or it's because I'm easily distracted and  can't stop staring at the texture of my cereal, the fibers in my shirt, that scar under your left eye, there are so many things to see, THE WORLD IS GREAT TODAY.

live-blogging from an army surplus store in Atlanta

Did you want to know what search words people have used to find my blog lately?



Best of luck to desperate people here looking for information on football plays. Especially because my blog doesn't show up until well after tons of actual websites about football plays.

But anyone who wants the definition of laundry has come to the right place.

Football plays football football plays.

now I know what they she feels like when I watch Disney channel while eating tofu ice cream.

Last night the 7-year old-girl I babysit let out a perfect "Man that is HEAVY" when she had to draw 32 cards in Uno. Ignore the fact that we had obviously changed the rules enough to make the game completely unrecognizable, and imagine a 7-year-old mini-Brooke playing card games and building hamster traps. I'm molding minds here.

It is HEAVY.

Is your bed made? Is your sweater on?

6-year-old Brooke is in the public restroom stall. 6-year-old Brooke's mom is by the paper towel dispensers with a toddler and an infant.

"Hey Mom guess what, it says Scott in here - I have a friend named Scott! Wow!"

"Brooke, don't read the words in there."

"You're right Mom - I just noticed there are tons of words in here! There's so much to read!"

"Brooke, we don't read things written in bathrooms. Don't read those."

"No thanks Mom, I like to read!"

"Brooke STOP READING. We can read books at home. Please, please stop."

"But I love reading! I can't stop! When I see something to read I just read it right away because I love to read! What does this one mean -"

"Brooke stop reading right now."

"Hooray for reading!"

good news: I don't have your email address

In my opinion, the only thing worth emailing is this video.



With no subject line and often.

Show me the cat facts

Have you smuggled any animals into your home lately? Last weekend I catsat (a word? not a word?) an animal that was painfully aware of my cat allergy. She ignored my friends who tried to pet her, pick her up, and shower her with laser pointers, and spent her time following around the one person who refused to make any physical contact. By Monday morning she was pulling out all the stops, purring small sad cat tears and rubbing her ears agains my legs.

You would have caved too.

So, I touched the cat, and instinctively rubbed my eyes, and three days later I'm breathing normally and my eyesight has returned enough to type this.

And the only bad news is that so far, every cat I have ever touched has died within a week. Awesome statistics like that are easier to come by when you only touch one cat, and are the reason there are a lot of things I have done only once.



Cats make a point of standing with the light source behind them whenever you're holding a camera. No sentence can sum up cats better than that.