Speaking of things you don’t care about, my plan to walk a different route to work every day has been a huge success. Today I walked past a fake fire hydrant made especially for dogs to relieve themselves on, and a Batmobile that I guess could be used for the same thing in a pinch. Everyone I saw smiled at me, I don’t know why and I’m not going to look into it.
Anyone who’s ever walked with me has commented later that I walk way, way, way too fast. Today I was wearing (the very cutest) leopard print flats and there were puddles everywhere so I had to walk so slowly I saw everything seven times. I liked it. I will never do it again.
May 31, 2012
May 29, 2012
maniac maniac maniac
Remember that time we were eating Thai curry and there were all those things that looked like hairs in it? It turned out they were just bamboo fibers but I thought they were hairs, so for the purpose of this story, they were. And that didn't slow me down at all.
May 28, 2012
Lamest super-power ever
Every morning I drink a glass of hot water.
I also drink three in the afternoon and maybe one at night if I think of it. I also drink five to ten glasses of cold water, and I also drink two to three glasses of room-temperature water depending on how much time the glasses have to get used to the temperature of the room before I drink them.
I am half fish. I hate swimming.
I hope you memorized all those numbers because here’s the math problem: why is the hot water starting to taste like juice lately?
My first guess is it’s because I kind of gave up sweets last week. Kind of means this plan where I only eat sweets when other people offer them to me. So far it means two handfuls of Skittles. People that know me in real life (or IRL, LOL IMHO TTYL SIL) aren’t going to believe this but in the last week I haven’t had a single meal where the main ingredient was chocolate. No, not even for lunch.
And, friends in real life, get this: this is happening while I am living right next to that chocolate shop I always talk about that has chocolate in the shape of ladybugs and dogs. Everything shaped like a ladybug tastes cuter, and the dogs are hilarious because dogs? Dogs can't eat chocolate! Do you get it? The dogs are also cute.
Maybe my entire life the overwhelming amount of sugar I consumed was clouding my palate and now that it’s gone I’ve discovered I’m a Super Taster. Maybe now I can even taste the emotions of the people that cook food for me. Maybe there’s something wrong with my dishwasher.
If I start being able to taste sounds I’m going to stop eating my friend’s Skittles.
These are my hands with a chocolate ladybug three years ago. They make new ladybugs every day. Did you know the British word for ladybug is ladybird?
"Brooke I think you are looking like your mother as you... AGE. I still remember you with your little cardigan with the ladybirds on it. You were running down the hall at Baseline to-wards me; when you got there I went to pick you up and you fell, what a racket you made crying."
I also drink three in the afternoon and maybe one at night if I think of it. I also drink five to ten glasses of cold water, and I also drink two to three glasses of room-temperature water depending on how much time the glasses have to get used to the temperature of the room before I drink them.
I am half fish. I hate swimming.
I hope you memorized all those numbers because here’s the math problem: why is the hot water starting to taste like juice lately?
My first guess is it’s because I kind of gave up sweets last week. Kind of means this plan where I only eat sweets when other people offer them to me. So far it means two handfuls of Skittles. People that know me in real life (or IRL, LOL IMHO TTYL SIL) aren’t going to believe this but in the last week I haven’t had a single meal where the main ingredient was chocolate. No, not even for lunch.
And, friends in real life, get this: this is happening while I am living right next to that chocolate shop I always talk about that has chocolate in the shape of ladybugs and dogs. Everything shaped like a ladybug tastes cuter, and the dogs are hilarious because dogs? Dogs can't eat chocolate! Do you get it? The dogs are also cute.
Maybe my entire life the overwhelming amount of sugar I consumed was clouding my palate and now that it’s gone I’ve discovered I’m a Super Taster. Maybe now I can even taste the emotions of the people that cook food for me. Maybe there’s something wrong with my dishwasher.
If I start being able to taste sounds I’m going to stop eating my friend’s Skittles.
These are my hands with a chocolate ladybug three years ago. They make new ladybugs every day. Did you know the British word for ladybug is ladybird?
"Brooke I think you are looking like your mother as you... AGE. I still remember you with your little cardigan with the ladybirds on it. You were running down the hall at Baseline to-wards me; when you got there I went to pick you up and you fell, what a racket you made crying."
May 25, 2012
Sixteen food facts
Today I found this list of food stories from France in my notebook. I think I have more posts with the label "food" than all the rest combined. I always feel bad for people who click on "fashion" because it's just photos of bad hair days. That's what fashion is to me. Here's what food is to me:
FOUR NEW FOODS I TRIED AND LIKED
I know, it's really pathetic that I had never eaten these foods before.
1. Pineapple. I had never eaten pineapple before. Don't laugh. I didn't like the looks of it because the outside was spiky. I love pineapple.
2. Beans. Also had never eaten them. And they are delicious.
3. Goat cheese. No excuses. Goat cheese is my favorite food, meal, beverage, song, place, and person.
4. Peanuts. peanuts are fine.
FOUR NEW FOODS I TRIED AND DIDN'T LIKE
I told you I didn't want to try it.
1. Cooked carrots. I've been avoiding them for 15 years. Why do such a horrible thing to such a delicious vegetable.
2. Raw salmon. Probably because the day I ate it I already was sick.
3. Chicken skin. Probably because the first piece I tried had little hairs coming out of the skin.
4. Pine-tree-flavored things. Probably because it's a car air-freshener scent, not a flavor.
FOUR FOODS I LIKE MORE THAN BEFORE
Or, foods that are ruined forever when I move back to the US.
1. Tomatoes. Tomatoes are different here. They're always red on the inside, never pink, and they're never nasty and soft. I eat tomatoes like apples.
2. Applesauce. Here its just sauce, you can have pearsauce, strawberrysauce, rhubarbsauce.
3. Orange soda. I know that is kind of weird. but it's really big here.
4. Eggs. Eggs eggs eggs.
FOUR FOODS I MISS
Shipping is so expensive.
1. Cereal. There is a ton of cereal in France and I'm sure it's all delicious, but it's all made with barley malt flour so I can't eat it. I miss cereal a lot.
2. Salsa. And all Mexican food. I went to a Cape Verdian party where there was a tomato and onion side dish. Basically just a punch bowl of salsa to eat plain, no chips no anything. "You don't have to try that if you don't want to, it's an acquired taste" everyone said. I had three servings.
3. Normal milk. That is refrigerated. I'm drinking this crazy-long-shelf-life milk and I'm not complaining, but it's giving me the heeby-jeebies. Apologies for the spelling of that word, it's the first time I've typed it and I've never said it out loud.
4. Hot chocolate you mix with water. Only because the kind you mix with milk grows a skin and that is tooo naaaasty for wooooords.
FOUR NEW FOODS I TRIED AND LIKED
I know, it's really pathetic that I had never eaten these foods before.
1. Pineapple. I had never eaten pineapple before. Don't laugh. I didn't like the looks of it because the outside was spiky. I love pineapple.
2. Beans. Also had never eaten them. And they are delicious.
3. Goat cheese. No excuses. Goat cheese is my favorite food, meal, beverage, song, place, and person.
4. Peanuts. peanuts are fine.
FOUR NEW FOODS I TRIED AND DIDN'T LIKE
I told you I didn't want to try it.
1. Cooked carrots. I've been avoiding them for 15 years. Why do such a horrible thing to such a delicious vegetable.
2. Raw salmon. Probably because the day I ate it I already was sick.
3. Chicken skin. Probably because the first piece I tried had little hairs coming out of the skin.
4. Pine-tree-flavored things. Probably because it's a car air-freshener scent, not a flavor.
FOUR FOODS I LIKE MORE THAN BEFORE
Or, foods that are ruined forever when I move back to the US.
1. Tomatoes. Tomatoes are different here. They're always red on the inside, never pink, and they're never nasty and soft. I eat tomatoes like apples.
2. Applesauce. Here its just sauce, you can have pearsauce, strawberrysauce, rhubarbsauce.
3. Orange soda. I know that is kind of weird. but it's really big here.
4. Eggs. Eggs eggs eggs.
FOUR FOODS I MISS
Shipping is so expensive.
1. Cereal. There is a ton of cereal in France and I'm sure it's all delicious, but it's all made with barley malt flour so I can't eat it. I miss cereal a lot.
2. Salsa. And all Mexican food. I went to a Cape Verdian party where there was a tomato and onion side dish. Basically just a punch bowl of salsa to eat plain, no chips no anything. "You don't have to try that if you don't want to, it's an acquired taste" everyone said. I had three servings.
3. Normal milk. That is refrigerated. I'm drinking this crazy-long-shelf-life milk and I'm not complaining, but it's giving me the heeby-jeebies. Apologies for the spelling of that word, it's the first time I've typed it and I've never said it out loud.
4. Hot chocolate you mix with water. Only because the kind you mix with milk grows a skin and that is tooo naaaasty for wooooords.
May 24, 2012
Stuff you Bret stuff you Jemaine
Before I moved here I made a list of things I wanted to do and some of them seemed pretty far-fetched. One was to get lost and another was to walk a different way to work every day. GOOD NEWS apparently I'm great at doing the first thing subconsciously, which forces me to always take an unexpected route not only to work, but everywhere I go.
This morning while I was lost AND trying a new route I saw two wienie dogs (I hate that word but I hate trying to spell their real name even more) attack a sheepdog.
“Those are cute dogs,” I told their human companion (this is the hip new politically-correct term for “owner”) as she wiped the blood off their mouths (joking). “They think they’re tough.” she answered. Is there more to being tough than thinking you’re tough? I hope not. I’m tough.
Also while lost and on an adventure I saw a woman at Starbucks get in a fight with the manager because he couldn’t take the sausage out of the chicken sausage in her sandwich to make it just a chicken sandwich. Sausage is the noun and chicken is the adjective, ma’am. It’s like trying to take the dog out of a sheepdog so you can walk a sheep around town, stirring up trouble. Only scientists and linguists are trained for difficult tasks like these.
This morning while I was lost AND trying a new route I saw two wienie dogs (I hate that word but I hate trying to spell their real name even more) attack a sheepdog.
“Those are cute dogs,” I told their human companion (this is the hip new politically-correct term for “owner”) as she wiped the blood off their mouths (joking). “They think they’re tough.” she answered. Is there more to being tough than thinking you’re tough? I hope not. I’m tough.
Also while lost and on an adventure I saw a woman at Starbucks get in a fight with the manager because he couldn’t take the sausage out of the chicken sausage in her sandwich to make it just a chicken sandwich. Sausage is the noun and chicken is the adjective, ma’am. It’s like trying to take the dog out of a sheepdog so you can walk a sheep around town, stirring up trouble. Only scientists and linguists are trained for difficult tasks like these.
May 23, 2012
Living off the land
Landing in PDX is really, really beautiful. It looks exactly like the diorama from Shining Time Station. I tried to discretely take a picture but the man sitting next to me was a Shining Time Station hater and alerted the flight attendant. That's fine because it really wouldn't have looked as good in a photo.
I like getting in a small amount of trouble, like when the attendant at the hotel's continental breakfast catches my grandmother filling her pockets with oranges to eat later.
I DIDN'T like that the man kept glaring at me while we were landing and while we were taxiing, even though I gave him my most hopeful smile. He probably isn't getting enough Vitamin C.
I like getting in a small amount of trouble, like when the attendant at the hotel's continental breakfast catches my grandmother filling her pockets with oranges to eat later.
I DIDN'T like that the man kept glaring at me while we were landing and while we were taxiing, even though I gave him my most hopeful smile. He probably isn't getting enough Vitamin C.
May 21, 2012
the email equivalent of watching a kitten fall down a flight of stairs.
A cruel twist of fate caused me to meet my favorite nine-year-old in the world just before I left LA, and we only got to hang out once. When I emailed her parents to tell them I was moving her mom emailed me back a reply of congratulations that ended with this:
(p.s. I'm going to wait a couple of days to tell [most beautiful name ever spoken] since it's her birthday tomorrow...after I tell her I'll let you know, and then would you mind sending her a little email to say goodbye? I know you didn't spend a lot of time together, but she had such a great time - you really made an impression on her! Thanks so much.)
Dear favorite newly-ten-year-old in the world, please convince your family to move to Portland, this week if possible. We can climb trees and never brush our hair and I just found a new kind of Skittles that will change everything you think you know about candy.
(p.s. I'm going to wait a couple of days to tell [most beautiful name ever spoken] since it's her birthday tomorrow...after I tell her I'll let you know, and then would you mind sending her a little email to say goodbye? I know you didn't spend a lot of time together, but she had such a great time - you really made an impression on her! Thanks so much.)
Dear favorite newly-ten-year-old in the world, please convince your family to move to Portland, this week if possible. We can climb trees and never brush our hair and I just found a new kind of Skittles that will change everything you think you know about candy.
May 19, 2012
three signs it's time to start packing
1. The other night when I went to lie down my bed broke in pieces.
2. After 10 months of consistently remembering to shut my blinds when I got dressed, I've started just mouthing "enjoy it while you can" to my neighbors when I forget.
3. My flight is in two days.
2. After 10 months of consistently remembering to shut my blinds when I got dressed, I've started just mouthing "enjoy it while you can" to my neighbors when I forget.
3. My flight is in two days.
May 18, 2012
I'm leaving LA without ever seeing a celebrity
No, that guy with the crazy hair that I always talk about seeing doesn't count. To be honest, I don't think he was famous. I think he just had crazy hair.
Starting next week I'm going to be jaywalking, eating french fries, and making too much eye contact with homeless people in a brand-new city. Which one? Read on to the next sentence to find out!
Oh man, what if I did one of those scrolling things from chain emails where you scroll down for days?
Remember those?
Didn't you love those?
No, guess not. Portland! I'm moving to Portland.
I don't know a lot about Portland yet except that it will be awesome and that people bike a lot there. Apparently there's even a restaurant where the electricity is powered by stationary bikes at all the tables. I have wanted to do that for years but in a GYM because think of all the people moving in a gym, you could power a city. Feel free to use that idea. And stay tuned for more great ideas, sent to you via the internet, from Portland.
How many times do you think I said "Portland" in this post?
football plays football plays football plays football plays
I miss you already LA.
Starting next week I'm going to be jaywalking, eating french fries, and making too much eye contact with homeless people in a brand-new city. Which one? Read on to the next sentence to find out!
Oh man, what if I did one of those scrolling things from chain emails where you scroll down for days?
__ __ ____ ____
) \ / ( ) \ / (
)_ \_V_/ _( )_ \_V_/ _(
)__ __( )__ __(
`-' `-'
Remember those?
/\/\
___--~^~~--_(- -)_--~~^~--___
^\ HOORAY 4 TENNIS /^
\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /
\/ \/ \ / \/ \/
^\/^
Didn't you love those?
_..-'( )`-.._ ./'. '||\\. (\_/) .//||` .`\. ./'.|'.'||||\\|.. )*.*( ..|//||||`.`|.`\. ./'..|'.|| |||||\``````` " '''''''/||||| ||.`|..`\. ./'.||'.|||| ||||||||||||. .|||||||||||| ||||.`||.`\. /'|||'.|||||| ||||||||||||{ }|||||||||||| ||||||.`|||`\ '.|||'.||||||| ||||||||||||{ }|||||||||||| |||||||.`|||.` '.||| ||||||||| |/' ``\||/` '\||/'' `\| ||||||||| |||.` |/' \./' `\./ |/\ /\| \./' `\./ `\| V V V }' `\ /' `{ V V V
No, guess not. Portland! I'm moving to Portland.
I don't know a lot about Portland yet except that it will be awesome and that people bike a lot there. Apparently there's even a restaurant where the electricity is powered by stationary bikes at all the tables. I have wanted to do that for years but in a GYM because think of all the people moving in a gym, you could power a city. Feel free to use that idea. And stay tuned for more great ideas, sent to you via the internet, from Portland.
How many times do you think I said "Portland" in this post?
football plays football plays football plays football plays
I miss you already LA.
May 16, 2012
I can't be the only person who likes movie trailers better than movies.
Do not look over at me during movie trailers. I cry during every single one. And usually by the time the opening credits finally come around I'm so emotionally spent that I just sleep through the entire movie.
Maybe I like making up the plot details myself. Maybe I have a crush on the man who does the voiceovers. Maybe I have a short attention span. Whatever it is, I like my stories two minutes or less.
A good movie is like a girl's skirt, you blink and then it's gone. Wait is that not how that saying goes?
Maybe I like making up the plot details myself. Maybe I have a crush on the man who does the voiceovers. Maybe I have a short attention span. Whatever it is, I like my stories two minutes or less.
A good movie is like a girl's skirt, you blink and then it's gone. Wait is that not how that saying goes?
May 14, 2012
"Do you think anyone will ever pay you to do anything?"
I brought up my latest anxiety to the 8-year-old I babysit. We were walking and borrowing/stealing flowers from yards. She can name every type of plant in Southern California. It's a cool skill. She isn't paid for it.
"No. Probably not." she answered "I want to be an actress, but I don't think anyone will give me money to do that."
Almost every kid I've met in LA wants to be an actor. We'd been practicing her lines for her a play she's in, Little Women, speaking in a different accent each round. The only accent she can do is New York, and she does it so well that it makes up for not knowing any others.
"When I start my job it will be the first time someone will be paying me to do something. I'm a little scared." It was a good opportunity for her to point out that I'm paid to spend time with her and she missed it.
"What are you gonna be doing?" asked the girl who may not realize I'm paid to spend time with her.
"Writing commercials."
"You can do that, you've done it before. Remember, you wrote 'Choosy moms choose Jif.'"
"No, that was on the side of the peanut butter jar."
"The jar came with that on it?"
"Yeah."
"Huh. Well, the peanut butter jars you write will be even better. They're going to be so funny and weird."
She handed me a sprig of lavender, switched to a New York accent, and continued:
"And now, every time I see anything, I'm going to know you made it. I'll think of that every time I miss you. Ya knaw? Ah mean Gawd! His pawr motha!
I'd pay her to say things like that.
"No. Probably not." she answered "I want to be an actress, but I don't think anyone will give me money to do that."
Almost every kid I've met in LA wants to be an actor. We'd been practicing her lines for her a play she's in, Little Women, speaking in a different accent each round. The only accent she can do is New York, and she does it so well that it makes up for not knowing any others.
"When I start my job it will be the first time someone will be paying me to do something. I'm a little scared." It was a good opportunity for her to point out that I'm paid to spend time with her and she missed it.
"What are you gonna be doing?" asked the girl who may not realize I'm paid to spend time with her.
"Writing commercials."
"You can do that, you've done it before. Remember, you wrote 'Choosy moms choose Jif.'"
"No, that was on the side of the peanut butter jar."
"The jar came with that on it?"
"Yeah."
"Huh. Well, the peanut butter jars you write will be even better. They're going to be so funny and weird."
She handed me a sprig of lavender, switched to a New York accent, and continued:
"And now, every time I see anything, I'm going to know you made it. I'll think of that every time I miss you. Ya knaw? Ah mean Gawd! His pawr motha!
I'd pay her to say things like that.
May 8, 2012
You're sure to enjoy your stay!
Today I had the worst realization. I gave a full tour of my French studio last year, but in nine months in my new apartment I haven't really shown you much of it.
To remedy the situation I'm giving out a limited time offer for a FREE three-nights-stay to those lucky readers in the Los Angeles area! Here are only MOST of the amenities you'll enjoy if you choose Brooke's Apartment and Suites!
Broken locks provide visitors round-the-clock access!
Continental breakfast almost every single day!
Two towels! Usually one is wet so just grab the dry one. Easy enough to remember!
Due to a recent increase in the price of yogurt we do not provide cable at this time. But help yourself to our collection of a Chenguin dvd and a coupon from Starbucks for a free download of a Planet Earth episode!
Spa area!
Inspirational art!
And don't forget the Electronics Lounge is free to all guests!
Limited time offer, only the first 1,000 guests will be accepted. Not recommended for persons afraid of spiders, hummus, or police cars. Brooke's Apartment and Suites WILL NOT be held legally responsible if you are awoken in the middle of the night by the next-door-neighbors going at it.
To remedy the situation I'm giving out a limited time offer for a FREE three-nights-stay to those lucky readers in the Los Angeles area! Here are only MOST of the amenities you'll enjoy if you choose Brooke's Apartment and Suites!
Broken locks provide visitors round-the-clock access!
Continental breakfast almost every single day!
Two towels! Usually one is wet so just grab the dry one. Easy enough to remember!
Due to a recent increase in the price of yogurt we do not provide cable at this time. But help yourself to our collection of a Chenguin dvd and a coupon from Starbucks for a free download of a Planet Earth episode!
Spa area!
Inspirational art!
And don't forget the Electronics Lounge is free to all guests!
Limited time offer, only the first 1,000 guests will be accepted. Not recommended for persons afraid of spiders, hummus, or police cars. Brooke's Apartment and Suites WILL NOT be held legally responsible if you are awoken in the middle of the night by the next-door-neighbors going at it.
May 7, 2012
another dimension another dimension
I don't sleep very much any more, do you? If you do, maybe you're wondering what happens in the very middle of the night, what you're missing out on while you're sleeping, I know I used to. You're not missing out on much.
Lately as soon as it gets dark out I want to do thousands of things. I want to clean out my closet and donate my shirts that have feathers on them. I want to learn to identify trees by their leaves. I want to organize my pens by ink viscosity. Do pushups. Write a letter to my grandmother. Make a ten-year savings plan. Jump rope on my lawn. Make waffles. Spelling gets really, really hard. Things like this happen.
You're not missing out on much at all.
Lately as soon as it gets dark out I want to do thousands of things. I want to clean out my closet and donate my shirts that have feathers on them. I want to learn to identify trees by their leaves. I want to organize my pens by ink viscosity. Do pushups. Write a letter to my grandmother. Make a ten-year savings plan. Jump rope on my lawn. Make waffles. Spelling gets really, really hard. Things like this happen.
You're not missing out on much at all.
May 5, 2012
Down with the system
Today something horrible that I've been dreading happening every day since July finally happened.
Alright that sentence was a bit too dramatic. But every day I carry my giant cruiser bike up a flight of stairs to my apartment with the left handlebar gently pressing the thought of impeding decapitation against my neck. There are twenty steps and I can't see them but I count them out loud slowly, cheering silently after each one I don't slip on.
Really it's a miracle nothing happened until today when I finally ate it on step twelve, and fell all the way down and busted my lip open on the handlebars.
The good thing about something happening that you worried about forever is that you realize it isn't all that bad. That's the worst you can do? Bring it on, universe.
And the cuts make me look like a rockstar. Do rockstars have bloody lips? Maybe from smashing guitars around and accidentally hitting themselves in the face. I've lost too much blood to really analyze this right now.
Alright that sentence was a bit too dramatic. But every day I carry my giant cruiser bike up a flight of stairs to my apartment with the left handlebar gently pressing the thought of impeding decapitation against my neck. There are twenty steps and I can't see them but I count them out loud slowly, cheering silently after each one I don't slip on.
Really it's a miracle nothing happened until today when I finally ate it on step twelve, and fell all the way down and busted my lip open on the handlebars.
The good thing about something happening that you worried about forever is that you realize it isn't all that bad. That's the worst you can do? Bring it on, universe.
And the cuts make me look like a rockstar. Do rockstars have bloody lips? Maybe from smashing guitars around and accidentally hitting themselves in the face. I've lost too much blood to really analyze this right now.
May 3, 2012
We are going to be friends
Now that we've established how cool being a babysitter at age 24 is, I have an awesome babysitting story. I got a new (client, but my friends tease me for calling them clients so I'll say) family last week, and went to meet them for the first time Friday. I kind of hate meeting a new family, it's like a first date and once on a first date I hid behind a buffet table until the guy thought I was lost and wandered off.
This family had an 11-year-old girl. As I biked to their house I thought about what I was like at 11, just for reference. I was weird at 11. I know a lot of kids and I have yet to meet one who is as weird as I was as a child. All the kids I babysit are put-together, own iPhones, avoid carbs, and are a bit too cool for school. Sometimes too too cool for school in my opinion. Until Friday when I met the best 11-year-old in the world.
She answered the door wearing a shirt with a picture of a cow holding a loaf of bread and it said "Paris." I had that shirt when I was little. I wore it with a "Got Milk?" hat because I felt like they went together.
"Do you like chocolate?" she asked.
I didn't have to answer. As soon as we made eye contact both of us knew that we had finally met our best friend, a person who was exactly like us in every way.
Alright I did answer. I love chocolate.
But this girl has the most beautiful off-kilter sometimes-hilarious-sometimes-hopelessly-bizarre sense of humor. She has hair so thick it goes past her shoulders. She painted a life-size portrait of Obama and hung it over her desk. She is obsessed with baseball. She speaks French. "Why don't we decorate the kitchen like it's a café and invent every kind of hot chocolate we can think of?" she asked.
While watching her cat pee in the yard she sighed and announced "I pretty much live in denim." Not because it was relevant. Just because she had a thought and felt like she needed to say it. Where have you been all my life, 11-year-old girl? Love has a name, and it won't be revealed so as not to put any children in danger.
But I love this girl.
She is exactly like I was at age 11, and exactly how I guess I still am except now I'm slightly taller. She times her showers. Have you ever met anyone besides me who times their showers to see if they can set a personal record every day? I haven't. If you have, I'd like to meet them. I have a shirt with a cow and a loaf of bread on it they can borrow.
This family had an 11-year-old girl. As I biked to their house I thought about what I was like at 11, just for reference. I was weird at 11. I know a lot of kids and I have yet to meet one who is as weird as I was as a child. All the kids I babysit are put-together, own iPhones, avoid carbs, and are a bit too cool for school. Sometimes too too cool for school in my opinion. Until Friday when I met the best 11-year-old in the world.
She answered the door wearing a shirt with a picture of a cow holding a loaf of bread and it said "Paris." I had that shirt when I was little. I wore it with a "Got Milk?" hat because I felt like they went together.
"Do you like chocolate?" she asked.
I didn't have to answer. As soon as we made eye contact both of us knew that we had finally met our best friend, a person who was exactly like us in every way.
Alright I did answer. I love chocolate.
But this girl has the most beautiful off-kilter sometimes-hilarious-sometimes-hopelessly-bizarre sense of humor. She has hair so thick it goes past her shoulders. She painted a life-size portrait of Obama and hung it over her desk. She is obsessed with baseball. She speaks French. "Why don't we decorate the kitchen like it's a café and invent every kind of hot chocolate we can think of?" she asked.
While watching her cat pee in the yard she sighed and announced "I pretty much live in denim." Not because it was relevant. Just because she had a thought and felt like she needed to say it. Where have you been all my life, 11-year-old girl? Love has a name, and it won't be revealed so as not to put any children in danger.
But I love this girl.
She is exactly like I was at age 11, and exactly how I guess I still am except now I'm slightly taller. She times her showers. Have you ever met anyone besides me who times their showers to see if they can set a personal record every day? I haven't. If you have, I'd like to meet them. I have a shirt with a cow and a loaf of bread on it they can borrow.
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