Super old men in France will talk to anything slow enough, and when I'm waiting for something I'm slow enough. The other day I was waiting in a park and an old man wearing about four sweaters came and wanted to chat, about how great my nose is, and where I learned French, and if I have ever lived in a desert and what I think of souls.
"I'm going to be honest." he said. "If I had a time machine and could be a young man again, and if you lost some weight, I would ask you to marry me right now on the spot."
"That is super honest." I said.
September 13, 2013
September 12, 2013
This t-shirt scares my arms.
The best thing about being back in Marseille, besides the sea and the roofs (doesn't it seem like it should be rooves?), and the Deluxe Potatoes at McDonalds, is my immediate transformation back into Brughk, that awkward smiling girl who keeps saying things like "This song smells like a song I know" and "Is your family a boat?" What normal and stimulating conversation! Who wouldn't want to hang out with her for hours as she slowly and painfully explains jokes she's thought of that make no sense and complicated stories filled with nouns she can't remember?
People in Marseille are super patient but I've still resorted to mostly talking about feelings - because they only require the present tense and it just makes everything a lot easier. Especially feelings that involve fear, because it's easy to pronounce, or pretty things, because the word "pretty" is the same for both masculine and feminine words. My obvious go-to conversation is spiders, which are both pretty and scary. Marseille has heard a lot about spiders the last few days. And it smells like there are a few more spider feelings still to come.
I have a photo of a dolphin castle but it's not loading so take a minute to imagine it. The dolphins are pink.
People in Marseille are super patient but I've still resorted to mostly talking about feelings - because they only require the present tense and it just makes everything a lot easier. Especially feelings that involve fear, because it's easy to pronounce, or pretty things, because the word "pretty" is the same for both masculine and feminine words. My obvious go-to conversation is spiders, which are both pretty and scary. Marseille has heard a lot about spiders the last few days. And it smells like there are a few more spider feelings still to come.
I have a photo of a dolphin castle but it's not loading so take a minute to imagine it. The dolphins are pink.
September 4, 2013
DO NOT FEED HONEY TO INFANTS
Yogurt Review:
This yogurt tastes the way sunscreen smells.
If you want to taste summer but by "taste summer" you don't mean watermelon or lemonade or barbecue or anything you would normally eat in summer, you just mean you want your mouth full of the smell of sunscreen, with a few grainy bits maybe sand maybe rocks, that's what this is.
This yogurt tastes the way sunscreen smells.
If you want to taste summer but by "taste summer" you don't mean watermelon or lemonade or barbecue or anything you would normally eat in summer, you just mean you want your mouth full of the smell of sunscreen, with a few grainy bits maybe sand maybe rocks, that's what this is.
September 3, 2013
This seems legit but you have Oreos in your teeth.
The other day while I was wasting time getting my hair done I had these six ideas for how to waste less time.
Manicure fortune
You're already sitting there having a stranger touch your hands for half an hour, why not have them read your palms? As a bonus if you find out something horrible is going to happen at least your cuticles will look great.
Personal trainer doctor
In this one a doctor chases you for hours until he or she eventually catches you, annoys you, and charges you money. Unless the doctor can't catch you which means you're healthy.
ID and smile check
You're on your way into a party or bar or something and you want to look your best and this guy needs to look at your face anyway, now also he'll check if you have spinach in your teeth. It would take an additional zero seconds.
Treadmill Line
Why just stand in line for Iron Man 17 when you could be walking for hours? This would also help weed out people who weren't really serious about waiting.
Tanning concert
For shy rock musicians who don't want to perform in front of crowds of screaming fans, but instead want to perform for a room full of fans lying quietly in tanning beds. This is obviously also great for the fans, because they get tans.
Celebrity Dentist
No one likes the dentist + everyone likes celebrities = people are alright with celebrity dentists? The downside to this one is I imagine it would be incredibly expensive.
Manicure fortune
You're already sitting there having a stranger touch your hands for half an hour, why not have them read your palms? As a bonus if you find out something horrible is going to happen at least your cuticles will look great.
Personal trainer doctor
In this one a doctor chases you for hours until he or she eventually catches you, annoys you, and charges you money. Unless the doctor can't catch you which means you're healthy.
ID and smile check
You're on your way into a party or bar or something and you want to look your best and this guy needs to look at your face anyway, now also he'll check if you have spinach in your teeth. It would take an additional zero seconds.
Treadmill Line
Why just stand in line for Iron Man 17 when you could be walking for hours? This would also help weed out people who weren't really serious about waiting.
Tanning concert
For shy rock musicians who don't want to perform in front of crowds of screaming fans, but instead want to perform for a room full of fans lying quietly in tanning beds. This is obviously also great for the fans, because they get tans.
Celebrity Dentist
No one likes the dentist + everyone likes celebrities = people are alright with celebrity dentists? The downside to this one is I imagine it would be incredibly expensive.
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