a sponge with no pants

I'm a dangerous weapon in the kitchen. No I don't know how to make pie or whatever people do in kitchens besides assemble sandwiches and heat up little smokies. I'm dangerous because last summer when we were trying to figure out a way to clean the stove, I recommended a random combination of products that my 16-year-old cousin said "would definitely kill us all." Come to think of it, I really should ask him what those were.

My sister Paige makes pies and when she does laundry she knows whether things go in hot, cold, or flavored water (or however laundry goes), and when she came to visit last month she was constantly amazing me.

My definition of a stain is anything that doesn't come off after I brush it lightly with my hand. (side note: Holi colors do come off car interiors with a light brush of your hand! they're on my all-inclusive list of 4 non-staining products which also includes water, confetti, and live spiders.)

This definition leaves a lot of room for AMAZEMENT when my sister starts cleaning my apartment. She was de-staining things left and right.

"That's incredible! how did you get that clean - it was stained!" I would ask.

"It was some soy sauce on a plate, I wiped if off with a sponge."

"A sponge! Who would have thought!"

My sister might tell you I'm just easily impressed because my cleaning skills range from non-existent to making things dirtier than when I started, but DON'T LISTEN TO HER, she has powers we mortals cannot understand.

Today is a busy day! Time to scrub this pile of dishes with some matches and a can of hairspray