DISCLAIMER: I am tired and haven't eaten cookies in almost two years

After I read through this I realized it's the most self-centered, dramatic, angry thing I've written since I was fifteen and writing strange poetry and lighting it on fire. I just feel like I should mention that this post was inspired by strangers on allergy forums and my step-brother's ex-girlfriend's sister. Every gluten-intolerant person I know is awesome, and if you're thinking "oh curses, this is about me" don't worry, it isn't. I do have some charred teenage poetry about you though; let me know if you're interested.

Here's a fun experiment for anyone with a self-diagnosed gluten allergy. Take a water and flour paper maché mixture, and put some on your skin. You can do this while making a sweet paper maché piñata if you want. If after a few minutes your skin breaks out in huge burning poison-ivy-esque hives like mine did, you are allergic to wheat. If not . . . well that's weird isn't it.

As good as it feels to have friends who eat the same strange gluten-free foods as I do, and who also can't participate in social rites of passage like birthday cakes and free pizza - it feels kind of sad to have those friends turn around and say that they apparently CAN eat wheat SOMETIMES and it's no big deal. If I licked a sandwich I'd have three days of throwing up and lose ten pounds over the next month. I would be dizzy, gray, and susceptible to every virus in my zip code. Why can't I lick a sandwich, but their allergy disappears on birthdays?

On the other, more positive hand, the more people that don't eat gluten, the more companies will make gluten-free food. In the last three years you helped bring favorites like cereal and cookies back into my life, and that's pretty cool.



So on second thought, maybe don't do the flour test. Stay away from flour. You're deathly allergic after all. Unless there's a pizza party.