SECURITY BREACH yesterday I was trying to figure out what kind of spider had bit me and then before I had time to really think about what I was doing I was on WebMD debating whether to treat myself for scurvy or albinism.
WebMD asked me if I had visible parasites on my body, and if the pain was made worse when I touched it with a rose thorn, assuring me that there are people in the world with even worse judgement than I have. If you select "visible parasite" the app gives you the diagnosis: "You may have parasites." I love imagining someone reading that and then going "Parasites, you say!? You think these visible parasites might be caused by... parasites?! Well I don't want to go jumping to conclusions. I'll just keep rubbing this rose thorn on my skin."
Have you ever looked at about.com's user-submitted dermatology photo gallery? Don't. I'm not even going to link to it, for your own protection. But here are some pictures of me in a bikini.
Now I'm off to eat some oranges. That scurvy isn't going to take care of itself.
The last 7 times I used webmd the diagnosis was lymphoma. I should maybe look into that.
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