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Something horrible happened this morning and I woke up 24 instead of 8, and don't own a single remote control car.
August 5, 2011
The most exhilarating part of my mornings and afternoons is The Overpass.
It's halfway between my apartment and my office - an empty, dark, tunnel decked out with bright yellow signs that read "DANGER! BEES!" and beneath that PELIGRO! ABEJAS!
I don't know about you, but to me there's nothing like an upside-down exclamation point to make you ask WHAT BEES? What are you freaking talking about? Is this thing just packed with bees? Why so many signs? Are you breeding them with a chemical that makes them super angry? Does the tunnel smell like honey?
And there's nothing like a honey-scented, psychotic-bee-packed tunnel to get me biking sixty miles an hour. I fly through that thing like a bee that smells dinner. No, faster. Just a hair faster.
It's halfway between my apartment and my office - an empty, dark, tunnel decked out with bright yellow signs that read "DANGER! BEES!" and beneath that PELIGRO! ABEJAS!
I don't know about you, but to me there's nothing like an upside-down exclamation point to make you ask WHAT BEES? What are you freaking talking about? Is this thing just packed with bees? Why so many signs? Are you breeding them with a chemical that makes them super angry? Does the tunnel smell like honey?
And there's nothing like a honey-scented, psychotic-bee-packed tunnel to get me biking sixty miles an hour. I fly through that thing like a bee that smells dinner. No, faster. Just a hair faster.
August 4, 2011
I've got a cobalt-blue beach cruiser and a bright future in sales
This was going to be a post about my super-hipster practically-useless one-speed beach cruiser a got for biking to work.
But instead it's going to be a rant about why no one wears a freaking helmet anymore. Have you forgotten everything you learned in bike safety class in second grade? Or did no one else have to take that class?
There are few things worse than leaving the apartment with clean clothes, a freshly-packed lunch, and a neat-o super-duper safe AND stylish helmet, only to pass thirty people who are biking around with hair blowing in the breeze. I don't know who these thick-skulled and soon-to-be-skull-less losers think they are, but they're sharing the road with giant pieces of steel that are going 50 mph, and the closest thing to protection I've seen anyone wearing are Dodgers baseball caps. Twins hats, of course, protect the wearer from any sort of bodily harm that may arise. I'm not aware that Dodgers caps have the same effect.
End of rant. Wear your helmet, you'll double the number of people in the world that are currently doing it.
But instead it's going to be a rant about why no one wears a freaking helmet anymore. Have you forgotten everything you learned in bike safety class in second grade? Or did no one else have to take that class?
There are few things worse than leaving the apartment with clean clothes, a freshly-packed lunch, and a neat-o super-duper safe AND stylish helmet, only to pass thirty people who are biking around with hair blowing in the breeze. I don't know who these thick-skulled and soon-to-be-skull-less losers think they are, but they're sharing the road with giant pieces of steel that are going 50 mph, and the closest thing to protection I've seen anyone wearing are Dodgers baseball caps. Twins hats, of course, protect the wearer from any sort of bodily harm that may arise. I'm not aware that Dodgers caps have the same effect.
End of rant. Wear your helmet, you'll double the number of people in the world that are currently doing it.
August 2, 2011
Does anyone know more about Salvador Dali than that melting clock painting? I've liked him ever since I saw a picture of him walking his pet anteater in a metro station.
No, I'm not going to post a picture. You know how to google it, don't be lazy. Geez Louise, the things I put up with.
Anyway, I found these sweet Salvadore Dali quotes today. I've now doubled my list of personal heros, which used to just consist of Yoko Ono. It was a tough decision, but any clock-painting, ant eater-walking, insane-quote spouting artist is a hero of mine.
Now go look at pictures of anteaters. Did you know they looked that crazy? Doesn't their head look like a fifth arm? Alright fine, I'll post a picture.
What on earth?!
No, I'm not going to post a picture. You know how to google it, don't be lazy. Geez Louise, the things I put up with.
Anyway, I found these sweet Salvadore Dali quotes today. I've now doubled my list of personal heros, which used to just consist of Yoko Ono. It was a tough decision, but any clock-painting, ant eater-walking, insane-quote spouting artist is a hero of mine.
"The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant."
"I don't do drugs, I am drugs." Unfortunately I would have like this more last year, when I wouldn't have been reminiscent of Charlie Sheen.
"There are days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction."
Now go look at pictures of anteaters. Did you know they looked that crazy? Doesn't their head look like a fifth arm? Alright fine, I'll post a picture.
What on earth?!
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