December 30, 2009
December 12, 2009
hooray
If finals are getting you down, try searching "jump" on Getty Images. Maybe you'll wish you were studying advertising instead of whatever you're studying.
December 5, 2009
Business venture of the day -the Scream Booth
The Scream Booth would be located in a mall and, from the outside, look like any other photo booth. Customers would pay $1 in quarters, enter the booth, and pull the curtain shut. The booth would immediately drop them 100 feet underground, and take some excellent photos of them screaming.
Provided there are no major lawsuits, I think this is going to be huge. Let me know if you're interested in becoming a partner.
November 29, 2009
November 20, 2009
November 14, 2009
For extra credit
by Brian Doyle
A train going 700 miles an hour encounters a vole. Why exactly is the train going that fast? Does being in such a hurry mean that you are important?
A train going 700 miles an hour encounters a vole. Why exactly is the train going that fast? Does being in such a hurry mean that you are important?
November 11, 2009
Advice to writers
by Billy Collins
Even if it keeps you up all night,
wash down the walls and scrub the floor
of your study before composing a syllable.
Clean the place as if the Pope were on his way.
Spotlessness is the niece of inspiration.
The more you clean, the more brilliant
your writing will be, so do not hesitate to take
to the open fields to scour the undersides
of rocks or swab in the dark forest
upper branches, nests full of eggs.
When you fiind your way back home
and stow the sponges and brushes under the sink,
you will behold in the light of dawn
the immaculate altar of your desk,
a clean surface in the middle of a clean world.
From a small vase, sparkling blue, lift
a yellow pencil, the sharpest of the bouquet,
and cover pages with tiny sentences
like long rows of devoted ants
that followed you in from the woods.
November 1, 2009
animal fact of the week: I love walruses.
Guess how many grand pianos weigh as much as one walrus.
Five. A walrus weighs 2,250 pounds. As soon as we move into an apartment with a bigger bathtub, I am getting a pet walrus.
Five. A walrus weighs 2,250 pounds. As soon as we move into an apartment with a bigger bathtub, I am getting a pet walrus.
October 29, 2009
October 28, 2009
October 22, 2009
fantastic news
I did this much of a crossword this week with no help from the internet or anyone.
If I figure out any more spaces I will update immediately with another thrilling blog post.
If I figure out any more spaces I will update immediately with another thrilling blog post.
October 20, 2009
October 19, 2009
animal fact of the week - I want an aardwolf
Good news: aardwolves are like hyenas, but cuter and less dangerous.
They only eat bugs (kind of like aardvarks) and I'm pretty sure they like being petted. As soon as it's legal I'm going to get one for my apartment. I can't wait to take it on walks.
On a related note, today is the first time I don't wish I lived in the 15th century. Hyenas were running rampant in the middle ages. At night they frequently turned into werehyenas, drinking the blood of dying soldiers and feasting upon knights and damsels in their sleep. Check out this artist's depiction. Yikes.
They only eat bugs (kind of like aardvarks) and I'm pretty sure they like being petted. As soon as it's legal I'm going to get one for my apartment. I can't wait to take it on walks.
On a related note, today is the first time I don't wish I lived in the 15th century. Hyenas were running rampant in the middle ages. At night they frequently turned into werehyenas, drinking the blood of dying soldiers and feasting upon knights and damsels in their sleep. Check out this artist's depiction. Yikes.
October 17, 2009
animal fact of the week - I am getting an amazing deal on honey
Today's animal fact is that a bee travels 55,000 miles to make a pound of honey. This is an outrageous distance.
The average bee flies 7.6 miles per hour, so it takes 7,237 hours to make a pound of honey. If I wanted to, I could hire 20 pretty strong bees working 80 hours a week to make me a pound a month. And I guess to start out I would pay them minimum wage with a 15% tip.
A jar of honey would set me back $52,467, which is more than 50,000 times what it costs me now. I would put the honey in chamomile tea and it would be delicious.
80 hours a week would be rough but I think bees really love working.
The average bee flies 7.6 miles per hour, so it takes 7,237 hours to make a pound of honey. If I wanted to, I could hire 20 pretty strong bees working 80 hours a week to make me a pound a month. And I guess to start out I would pay them minimum wage with a 15% tip.
A jar of honey would set me back $52,467, which is more than 50,000 times what it costs me now. I would put the honey in chamomile tea and it would be delicious.
80 hours a week would be rough but I think bees really love working.
October 12, 2009
October 10, 2009
October 8, 2009
animal fact of the week - Indri lemurs sing better than whales
80% of Madagascar's animals exist only in Madagascar. Including lemurs.
Indri lemurs are the largest and definitely the coolest type of lemur, even though I'm a little bit scared of them. They can jump up to 33 feet to get from one tree to another. And they enjoy singing, if you have a loose definition of the word singing.
October 7, 2009
October 6, 2009
"Even though it was an incredibly sad day, she looked so, so beautiful. I kept trying to figure out a way to tell her that, but all of the ways I thought of were weird and wrong. She was wearing the bracelet that I made for her, and that made me feel like one hundred dollars. I love making jewelry for her, because it makes her happy, and making her happy is another one of my raisons d'etre."
-Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
October 5, 2009
October 3, 2009
Twins are going to win the AL Central
This may be a little premature but I'm so excited for the Twins to win tomorrow!
October 1, 2009
animal fact of the week - sailfish are lightning fast.
Sailfish are the world's fastest fish, and also the best, at speeds of up to 70 miles per hour. In fact, the only faster animal is the Peregrine Falcon, who cheats by using gravity.
September 29, 2009
KILLER find
I couldn't believe my luck when I found this at DI this weekend.
To Commemorate the Birth of the First Child to the Prince and Princess of Whales 1982
To Commemorate the Birth of the First Child to the Prince and Princess of Whales 1982
September 26, 2009
September 15, 2009
August 21, 2009
August 10, 2009
August 9, 2009
August 6, 2009
August 1, 2009
July 11, 2009
"I thought of all the pie I had eaten in my life and wondered how different things might be if only I had wished upon the points. Had I gotten my wish at the age of eight I would still be rounding up mummies in Egypt, luring them from their tombs and trapping them in heavy iron cages. All subsequent wishes would have been based on the life I had already established: a new set of boots, a finer whip, greater command of the mummy language. That’s the problem with wishes; they ensnare you.”–David Sedaris
July 8, 2009
June 25, 2009
June 16, 2009
June 15, 2009
June 13, 2009
June 12, 2009
Simon Rich - A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table
MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs.)
GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
ALL: Yes.
GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs.)
GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
ALL: Yes.
GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.
June 3, 2009
May 30, 2009
"As Japan’s labor shortage expands, we would like to create an environment where humans and robots can work more closely together."
http://tinyurl.com/roboceptionist
May 27, 2009
May 17, 2009
"I think we have the cutest dog. I think all of the countries and all of the continents see him and know how cute he is and tell us it. Except maybe the ones where there is a lot of snow could not do it because it would take even three or four days for them to send the message back: 'Yes, your dog is cute. Yes, you have a cute dog.'"- Drew Alaire, 2005
May 16, 2009
May 15, 2009
May 10, 2009
May 9, 2009
May 6, 2009
April 13, 2009
April 12, 2009
April 7, 2009
April 6, 2009
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