Kate Moss hates tomatoes

All I said was "I didn't eat breakfast this morning." but judging by her look of disgust and horror I might as well have said "I ran over a little girl with my car this morning."

The couple I live with is positive my diet of chocolate and cheese has me minutes away from starvation. They both agree that I'll never weigh enough to birth children. And the box of rice I was holding when I nonchalantly said breakfast was below me put the wife over the edge.

"If you want to eat like Kate Moss when you go back to the US that's FINE. But not while you're here!" she yelled, slamming down a plate of tomatoes and fried eggs. I can't tell you what makes chocolate diet food and tomatoes a hearty meal, but I will offer this advice: don't tell French people you didn't eat breakfast, and heaven help you if you say you don't want dessert.

My flat-mates say it's a good thing I have a fat face. "Even if you lose weight from not eating enough tomatoes, you'll still have that fat face." Thanks friends.

I quickly changed the topic to the pond scene the husband was engraving on a knife handle. I complimented him on the reeds and he said thanked me. But when he went back to engraving I had to stop him. "Can we all just take a minute and be impressed that I know the word 'reeds'? Because how often does that word come up?" And we did, thank goodness. I'm tired of this amazing vocabulary going under the radar.

I have a fat face full of French knowledge.